Have you ever heard someone say that a certain person 'deserves' something? It's a strange thing to say when you think about it. At base it is usually a form of wishful thinking, and can be meant in a positive or a negative way. I do believe (along with many others of course) that there is a strong correlation between a person's reality and how this is affected by what they think and what they believe. However, you can be the most deserving or undeserving person in the world, but just because this is the case doesn't mean whatever you 'deserve' will come to pass.
Believing in or wanting something is perhaps the first step in a long process of achieving our goals and ambitions. We have to be careful though, to not to mix desire with entitlement. If we believe we deserve something without actually putting in the work or the dirt-time then wanting and deserving stands for very little.
Deserving isn't enough. Wishful thinking without action isn't enough. Also a lot of the time a person's wishful thinking or perceived deserved future is seen as a result of behaviours or successes in a completely different field. A person can be excellent at, or have done some good in, X, but this doesn't mean they will reap the rewards in Y. When we are aiming at a goal we have to get very specific with our behaviour and our actions, put in the work and commit to that goal. Clearly define your goal and then the steps you need to take in order to journey towards it.
Think about what can and can't happen first as opposed to what should or shouldn't happen. By doing this you will develop laser focus and won't get sidetracked by entitlement or wishful thinking. Take each day as it comes with gratitude and with the mindset that you have the ability to move ever closer towards your goal. We have to acknowledge that what we put into life we get out so recognise the value in earning what you have first as opposed to deserving it first.
What about when we internally feel we don't deserve something though? Here our relationship to the word deserve can get more complicated especially when we couple it with the denial of fundamental needs like love. A lot of self help advice will explain how we should always feel we deserve love unconditionally, which is true. But sometimes this is very simplistic advice. Sometimes if we do not deserve something as fundamental as love or happiness, there is a reason for thinking this way. It may be founded or unfounded, but that reason is important and until this reason is addressed, making ourselves believe we deserve something, even with positive thinking and harnessing the mental plasticity of the brain, will be like a battle.
Our conscience is a very powerful thing. It casts judgement on others but also on ourselves. We are habitually conditional creatures so acting or feeling without condition is very difficult to do. If you are the type of person to hold yourself accountable then it is perhaps even more important to really consult with your conscience and go through a process of real forgiveness if you feel you have transgressed in some way to warrant not deserving things we need. Even if there is no objective need to think we don't deserve something, if we haven't forgiven ourselves it is very difficult to see things beyond our subjective judgments. This was the case for me and I don't think I could have done so without professional help, so I would highly recommend reaching out to getting therapy or counselling if this is similar to your situation.
I hope this short article helps you in some way, gives you a little bit of fresh insight or motivation to improve your position in life.
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