Mental plasticity is a topic that is well known with the general idea being that the brain can be molded by repeating actions both physically and of course mentally. With this in mind it is very important to be aware of what habitual thoughts and actions we have that make things more difficult for us. For some it may be reaching for the biscuit tin when it's been a hard day, despite being on a diet, for others it may be overthinking things before an occasion or a big event making the anxiety stakes ramp up.
For me it was beating myself up with negative thoughts when it was totally uncalled for. When I was young I was in the constant grip of anxiety and fear of blushing. Blushing itself is not an uncommon or unnatural thing, but my blushing was so severe that it would make my whole face crimson red. My body temperature would go through the roof, my heart would race and I would be in a state of utter internal shame and panic until it subsided, which could take minutes at a time. The anxiety around a potential episode occurring during social events meant I was never really able to relax and I made such a big deal out of it that it would happen during such non-threatening, daily events like sitting round the table with my family, sitting in a meeting at work or even just hanging out with friends. The physical side of the blushing when it happens was bad enough, but the worst thing was the feeling I would have in the aftermath. I would feel deep shame and low self worth as if I had failed, but then I would make it worse by telling myself internally that I was a freak and a failure at life. Imagine..sitting down for as something as simple as tea with your family and feeling like a failure. It may be hard to understand and probably sounds like I just needed to get a grip, and that is true in a sense. However I was caught in the grip of a cycle of negative habits that I would repeat over and over which made me live at the mercy of fear and guilt.
What my experience demonstrates is the power of repeated thoughts. Something like blushing which, though uncomfortable in the moment, was built up in my head as something that made me worthy of self loathing all the time. Because I would be so abusive towards myself, the time outside of those blushing episodes was made just as bad if not worse, which in itself ramped up the fear of it happening; increasing my anxiousness and making the likelihood of me blushing even greater.
Because I had existed in this cycle for so long, it was very difficult to get out of. The habit felt ingrained and unchangeable. But the amazing potential of the brain was demonstrated when I started to recognise how unnecessary it was for me to beat myself up about it. I read Jordan Peterson's book, 12 Rules For Life and one of the rules was treat yourself as someone you are responsible for helping, which really struck a chord. I tried to consciously make a change. Every time a blushing episode happened I would immediately think those negative thoughts towards myself as was my normal automatic response. However I began to tell myself that no, these thoughts were not necessary and I started to consciously think of good things about myself. This was like a battle at first where I would wrestle with that part of the brain I had molded up until this point. It still had hold over me and I felt like, even though I was telling myself these more positive things, I didn't really believe them. But I kept telling myself whenever it happened that it didn't make me a failure, and I didn't need to feel shame. Then I would list good things about myself in my head, even though in that moment, I didn't automatically feel that way.
Gradually, things started to change as I continued to make these more positive thoughts into habits. I started to become less anxious in the situations I previously would dread. I was easier on myself and the feelings of shame and self loathing subsided. Those new neural pathways had formed and my brain had been remolded. I felt I could live again.
It takes time and a lot of effort, but it is possible to rewire the brain into something that works for you and not against you. Every-time you manage to use your conscious thought to overlay a negative behaviour it will add just that little bit of weight to the positive side of the scales. Over a relatively short amount of time you will feel those scales shift and then swing in a positive direction overall. What this shows is the incredible power of the mind and its ability to shape our experience. Let's all try and harness it for the best and healthiest outcomes.
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