It is great to have goals and set out time-frames for them. Having an achievable goal in mind, whatever it may be, can increase your motivation, your drive and well being. There is immense satisfaction to be gained from achieving your goals, to aim at a more healthy lifestyle or fulfill a dream that can make you proud.
However it can be problematic when we place too much emphasis on these goals especially when we create conditions around them based on our own self worth and happiness. For instance 'once I lose x amount of weight or earn x amount of money I will be happy'. This can put too much of our focus on a future moment and leave us empty in the present. If you feel like you are constantly dissatisfied with the current version of yourself and as if the place where you want to be is always out of reach and that you are forever chasing something, then perhaps this is the case.
For many years I felt like I was waiting for something, for some moment in the future where things would be better or more in line with an idealised version of my life. I had bad acne when I was a teenager right through to early adulthood and this was one of the things I was waiting for, along with my blushing and excess sweating (which I have mentioned about in previous posts) to disappear. I was waiting for my acne and these other conditions to go before I would give myself any allowance to live without a sense of worthlessness and embarrassment about my intrinsic nature. But they didn't go. As much as I tried to cope either by doing my best to distance myself from others whilst trying every technique under the sun to alleviate some of the symptoms. The more I tried to control the conditions the more I felt I was juggling plates, trying to maintain this facade that I was OK, while in actual fact I was severely depressed, anxious and all the while exhausted. The ideal future where I didn't have any of these issues became something I was desperate for and as such that future became like a tyrant towering over me in all waking moments.
Obviously this is an extreme case, but what really made my situation better was once I stopped searching for that elusive future so much and managed to bring myself back more to the present. The present can be more of a frightening place than the future as you have to have a certain amount of acceptance for your current lot.
It may be worth looking at your own situation and re-framing your expectations and concentrating to a greater degree on the here and now. The present is where living is done, any good that happens in the future is a bonus. It may be useful to think about making the present the foundation and the future what you build on top of this foundation.
It's the journey not the destination is the old saying and it rings true. The more you can focus on the journey or the present, the less stress you put on yourself and the greater the opportunity you give yourself to appreciate that you are living life and everything that comes along with it - the good and the bad.
One of my favourite ever tv shows is The Wire and there was a quote from one of the characters that struck a chord with me ever since I first heard it: 'Life. Do you know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come'. The shit that happens in life is the important stuff. We can control some of it, while some of it we can't control. What matters is that we live in the moment as much as looking to the future. Lets not lose sight of the here and now whilst in our pursuit of a better tomorrow.
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